We Ain't All Cut From The Same Coonskin Cloth

Silly racist products like "Billy-Bob Teeth" propogate the stereotype of mountain men.

"There is an unfortunate common misperception of Mountain Men," said McDeere during a recent interview in his drawing room overlooking his splendid view of the scenic valley below.

"This unfair stereotype is reinforced, perhaps unintentionally, by the media, and perpetuated by the urban-class. Just because we 'mountain men' are crest-dwelling individuals with high-altitude expectations, we're expected to be coon-hunting cousin-marrying rednecks. That's just so wrong on so many levels."

Mr. McDeere took a sip of green tea, which he prefers over moonshine. "It's organic, of course, and infused with several Chinese herbs. But back to the subject at hand. Our decorum, propriety and savoir faire is as high as the altitude we live in. We celebrate our relationship with nature, but we're not boors. I enjoy my Foucault as much as anyone, and take pride in my parchisi game.

"That's not to say we don't have any libido," he said with a laugh. "I enjoy the ribald humour of any Gilbert and Sullivan production as much as any man.

"But we're not your typical banjo-playing Smoky Mountain shack monkeys," said McDeere, who admitted to favouring ermine fur over possum. "We dress in flannel and denim because it is practical. Yes, we own shotguns, but they're only for protection. Our favourite movie is not Deliverance, although I feel that it was one of Burt Reynolds' purest acting roles.

Mr. McDeere took a moment to adjust the embroidered shams on the chesterfield.

"Yes, our appearance can become a little slatternly," he admitted with a wry smile, "but it's not easy scheduling a stylist when you're forty miles from civilization. There are studies that suggest that too much soap can destroy friendly bacterial cultures too. Is that a sniffle I hear you have? I haven't been sick in 12 years, except for that time I ate those questionable mushrooms...

"It's a solitary, eremitic lifestyle we live, but we're not the inbred Old Smoky yokels you read about. That's purely a Hollywood manifestation, created by desperate film-industry executives looking for social cliches to conventionaliize. In an odd way I don't mind the comparison too much, because many of those so-called 'hill-billys' have preserved vestiges of language structure and syntax from several hundred years ago. It makes for interesting study.

"I fear we must accept some culpability, however, because we choose to allow modern mainstream culture to emphasize the label 'Mountain-Man'. Perhaps if we were to re-label ourselves as 'Highland Humanity' or 'Escarpment Anthropoids'--you see where I'm going here? Something that has more high-brow connotations, and is also more politically correct. This 'man' thing is a real hum-dinger, although there is a disproportionate number of males. Sad really, but we're working to change that."

Mr. McDeere admits that it would be difficult to break the preconceptions of mainstream America. 'Inclined Individuals' lack an association to generate positive public relations, and word-of-mouth isn't an effective communication tool when the nearest neighbour is fifteen miles downstream. Now get off ma land, 'fore I skin ya! Heh heh. Just kidding of course.