Adult Humour

Pool Noodles Preying On Poor Swimmers Print E-mail

Pool Noodles Are A Plastic Threat To Public Pools

swimming, swimming pools, pool noodles, water toys
This poor kid struggles against the deadly grip of a pool noodle.
AT THE PUBLIC POOL-- The scene around the public swimming pool is unremarkable. Kids are laughing, splashing, and chasing each other with mini-subs like a scene from The Hunt For Red October. But suddenly, in the shallow end, little Susie starts thrashing about like a sea lion at the wrong end of a shark feast.

Little Susie is struggling for her life, because as you can see, wrapped around her fragile neck is a not-so-innocent plastic play-toy known as a pool noodle.

The pool noodle, which looks like a long flexible foam strand of spaghetti, was invented as a playful water toy. But much like lawn darts, archery kits, and acid-filled Super Soakers, pool noodles are about as safe as cyanide-flavoured Kool-Aid.

They look innocent enough when they're dry, but toss one in a pool, and it will float around like a brightly-coloured watersnake looking for prey. And like the mallard duck who gets its head caught in a plastic 6-pack holder, a child is defenseless against the flexible constricting coils of a pool noodle. The more the kid struggles, the tighter the foamy knot becomes. Soon the plastic garrotte is tighter than a twist-tie on a bag of bread, blocking the child's airway. Before you know it, the pool noodle has taken another victim.

pool noodle, swimming pool, sea snake
The pool noodle (top left) is no less dangerous than a sea snake.
So why do we allow these pernicious pool toys into the water? How many children must be choked or drowned before something is done? We might as well let our sons and daughters play with anacondas.

Many of these aquatic accidents could be prevented, but parents are too busy suntanning to keep their eyes on their frolicking children, and lifeguards have their attentions too focused on breasts and bikini lines to notice the occasional thrashing sounds of a strangling youth. It only takes is a second for a child's throat to become entangled in the deadly grip of a pool noodle.

If we aren't going to ban these deadly snake-like toys, then we should at least bring an awareness of these plastic pythons that are just waiting to wrap themselves around the neck of a vulnerable young swimmer. Perhaps prevention is the key. We could fasten thick iron bands to the children's necks to protect them while they swim, or equip them with sharp boxcutter knives so that they could cut themselves free of the soft spongy grasp of the pool noodle.arson, burn, fire, torch

arson, burn, fire, torch, pyromania
This story about pool noodles is brought to you by The Toque,
the world leader in pool parody, swimming satire, and other aquatic humor.



 

Add comment

:D:lol::-);-)8):-|:-*:oops::sad::cry::o:-?:-x:eek::zzz:P:roll::sigh:


Security code
Refresh

< Prev   Next >

Related Articles & Stories

The Toque: Good Canadian Humour

Interesting guide about casinos offers the best site to play blackjack online games.
The best sports betting sites for Canadians eh? Check out Top Sportsbooks.ca
Looking for free nfl football picks? Try bettorsplace.com the smart gamblers choice.
Laugh all the way to the bank after you nab a huge progressive jackpot playing the greatest casino games available at top online casino - Casino Tropez!

Friends Of The Toque

Japanese adult video
Play online bingo with trusted and secure sites recommended on trusted sites like rainbowbingo.com
Crazy Slots Casino
Call of Duty Servers
Ventrilo Servers
Teamspeak Server
Online Poker Or Play Poker
Spielen Sie Online Casino Spiele und überzeugen Sie sich selbst davon, wie gross nur die Chance sind, einen grossen Gewinn zu bekommen.
Get paydayloans fast!
No need to wear a hat when you stay inside playing online poker
Japanese adult videos
Bingo! Internet Bingo Hall | Kamagra UK
Casual Dating | Porn
intercasino.com - Find a wide selection of classic slots or video slots to win big!
Cheap Viagra
Bodog Poker Review