I'm Always Pondering About Death

Pondering Death

I mean seriously, who is this guy? Sure he's there to scoop up the souls and help them transition into the next stage of existence, but who is Death, the person? Does he like his job? Does he get any time off? Does he have a whole closet filled with black robes? Who does his laundry?

My wife has told me many times that I ponder about Death all too much, and that it isn't healthy. She's probably right. Now to be perfectly honest, I don't have any personal mortality issues, but I can't help wondering how Death walks around without any muscular structure--being as he's just a skeleton and all. And why the scythe? Did he used to work on a wheat farm? Is it supposed to be part of his mystique? Why not a butterfly net, or a stage hook, just in case some soul tries to get away from him?

I know I should be thinking about other things, such as family, and friends, and milkshakes, and street musicians, but I can't help but obsess over Death. Does he actually kill people, or is he merely a psychopomp? Can he speak, without having a tongue, or vocal chords, or lungs? Does he reinforce any copyrights or trademarks for the use of his image on tattoos or goth poetry?

Where did I come up with this obsession with Death? Maybe it's because I've seen him characterized on television shows, in movies, and in comic books, and I just want to know how he reached this pop culture status.

I mean, I don't go on about the New York Yankees, and why they can't win the World Series, despite having the largest payroll in baseball year after year. I mean seriously, they have A-Rod, Jeter, and some of the best throwing arms in the game. You'd think that Joe Torre would be able to motivate this roster full of spoiled millionaires. Maybe he should be managing the pinstripers with a scythe at the end of the bench just to put the fear of Death into his own players. Joe Torre would make a good Death I think. There I go again.

This story about Death is brought to you by The Toque, the world leader in Death humor.