| Strawberry Cream-Filled Wafers: Food Or Building Material? |
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What For These Wafers?
They're not exactly cookies, and they don't really belong to the baked-goods family. In fact they defy most food categories entirely. But every time you went to visit your grandmother, she had an endless supply of these quasi-edible wafers stored on the top kitchen shelf right between the Ovaltine and the cod liver oil. Like flavoured styrofoam squares, these crunchy crusty food chips often sat on the counter, stacked like little pink bricks. They never had an expiration date, and you never knew if they were stale because they never had any flavour in the first place. I can honestly say that they weren't very fun to eat (more of a chore really), and they usually did more damage to the roof of your mouth than a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, with or without the crunchberries. Despite their inedibility, they were always fun to play with, flexible toy building blocks that were cheaper (and stronger) than Lego. With a couple boxes of cream-filled wafers and a bottle of Elmer's Glue, you could build yourself an organic strawberry tower more stable than grandma's stucco house. One afternoon I think we even tried to build a patio in the back yard, but unfortunately, grandma wouldn't let us use the mitre saw to do the corner pieces. I'm sure that the wafer-making industry could develop some industrial uses for these flexible fibre cookies, like roof shingles, drywall, or floor tiles. Perhaps attics could be insulated with the stuff. Two or three layers probably provided the same insulation capability as the equivalent of pink fibreglass, and with fewer health risks. At least it wouldn't itch. I bet that NASA could find a few interstellar applications for these lightweight nigh-invulnerable cream-filled treats. Maybe they could use strawberry cream-filled wafers instead of that foam that gets stuck to their space ships, or even as a heat-deflecting substitute to replace the questionable ceramic tiles on the space shuttles. They still make strawberry cream-filled wafers, I presume because they're cheap to produce, and somebody's grandmother is still buying them. Maybe it's to distract the children from the clump of hard peppermints glued to the candy dish on the coffee table. 
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