The Toque: Canada's source for humor, humour, parody, and satire
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The Cheese Stands Alone...For Now
Young Man Gets His First Woody
Woody
Plumber's Retirement Plan Nothing More Than A Pipe Dream
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Entrepreneurial Success Stories: Pizza By The Slice Delivery

Who Stole My Fuzzy Dice?

Scientist Invents The Daylight Saving Time Machine

New Yankee Redneck: Plugged-Up Toilets

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Canada Builds Own Missile Defense Shield

Less-Than-Lethal Weapons Can Still Pack A Punch

Who Wants To Live Forever

Captain Electro: Taking Over The World, Part XIX

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Jedi Just In It For The Chicks

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Palestinian Clock Store Owner Losing Business

ISRAEL-- Mehdi Ahmroun, master clockmaker and small business owner, is worried about his mail-order business. He believes that Middle East tensions may be contributing to his own economic downturn.

clock is ticking"I do not know," said Mehdi. "I have these fine clocks that I send to my customers, but always they are returned undelivered. And always I make sure that I wind them up first to show that they are working fine."

Mehdi isn't sure of the reasons, but he feels that the aggression in his homeland may be a factor.

"I even make sure to wrap the clocks plainly, so as to save the customer on packaging," added Mehdi.

Business is down 75% since he began his clock delivery service in May

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The Toque is a humour/satire magazine published every week here on the Internet. We strive to write the most outrageously ordinary material, bringing you the maximum amount of laughter with the least amount of effort.

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Thanks for reading, and come back as often as you like. Tell a friend, post a link, buy a t-shirt, and always remember that a toque is more than just a frickin' hat.

 

Driver Lured-In By Bumper Sticker Small Print

SANTA ANITA, CA-- Marty Talbert, a huge bumper sticker fan, was tricked into tailgating by a sticker he spotted on the back of a '92 Bronco last week.

"I was driving home from work, and spotted the bumper sticker on the vehicle in front of me," said Talbert, a 31-year-old systems administrator. "When I drove up close to read it, it was the old 'If you can read this, you're driving too close' sticker. I couldn't believe I fell for it."

Talbert, whose favourite bumper stickers are the "My other car is..." series, said he conceded the point to the Bronco owner.

"I thought maybe it was one of those honor student ones," said Talbert. "But the classics will get you every time."

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Pharmacist Embarrassed When Customers Purchase Condoms

MILWAUKEE, WI-- Stephen Festmen has been working at the in-store Pharmacy of Wal-Mart for three years, but he still gets embarrassed when customers approach him to purchase condoms.

"I'm not sure why...I...it's perfectly natural right," said Festmen, obviously uncomfortable with being interviewed. "It's just...I dunno...you know."

Festmen has been single for most of his adult life.

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