The Toque - NASA Installs Breathalyzers On Space Shuttles

NASA Installs Breathalyzers On Space Shuttles

No More Blasted Blast-Offs For Astronauts

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On-board breath alcohol detection systems should reduce the risk of astronauts piloting space shuttles while drunk.

CAPE CANAVERAL-- Answering the growing concerns about the health, behavior, and competence of astronauts in its space program, NASA is now assuring the public that reliable and permanent breath alcohol monitoring systems will be mandatory on all space shuttles and rockets in order to eliminate the risk of drunken space flights.

These actions are in response to the ongoing rumors that suggested astronauts had been flying into space while drunk or hung over.

Space Agency officials are working quickly to install the alcohol detection units into shuttle ignition systems, making it necessary for astronauts to blow into special space-age polymer straws (mounted on the shuttle's dashboard) before the countdown to launch can continue.

NASA, who has already voted to cancel pre-flight champagne parties, and has removed the mini-bar from the Challenger, is reporting that the next shuttle mission, scheduled for mid-August, will have the special breath alcohol ignition interlock devices in place, ensuring a safe flight for all crew members.

While the space shuttle breathalyzers should alleviate the issue about astronauts flying while impaired, other contingency plans are being considered by NASA, which include having a designated space shuttle driver, or having one member of the flight crew hold onto the shuttle keys until they are satisfied that the astronaut is okay to fly.