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| Popular CultureI Am Anna Nicole Smith's Baby DaddyI'll Give You 500 Million Reasons Why I'm The Real Father Of Anna Nicole Smith's Daughter
Okay everyone, I have an announcement. The truth is, you see, that I'm the real father of Anna Nicole's baby daughter. Yah, I know I should've mentioned it earlier, but I didn't want to brag to my buddies or anything. If I'd been all "yah, I've been scoring with Anna Nicole for like two... Read More... |
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No Medals For Canada At 2008 Beijing Olympic Games But Everyone Gets A Purple Ribbon!
IN MY ARMCHAIR-- I've been following the Olympic games in Beijing (on television, not actually from Beijing), and I must admit that I'm mildly...Read More |
Floyd BarberThat Shit Ain't Funny Read More |
Dick WiselyShopping Mall Cart-El
Mall Crime Fiction, with Dick Wisely
I was walking my beat, the same as usual--you know the formula, put one foot in front of the other,...Read More |
| Explore Canada With TimesharesThe crisp natural surroundings, friendly cities and lively spirit have made helped Canada become a favorite vacation destination for travelers weary of the sun, sand and surf kind of escape. Outdoor activities abound, coupled with the urban areas' rich arts and music communities ensure that there's something for everyone.
Want to make vacations to your favorite part of Canada a regular part of your lifestyle? Consider purchasing a timeshare there. From Quebec to British Columbia there are hundreds of places to visit in this northern nation. Whether you currently live in Canada and want to... Read More | There Must Be Somewhere To Buy Used PantiesWhen you were jarred from your cozy, peaceful slumber this morning by the whining, annoying sounds of AM music from your girlfriend's $9 alarm clock radio, and noticed the worn red lace seams and stretched elastic waistband of your lover's recently-worn undergarment hanging from a corner of the four-poster bed, you were probably asking yourself: "where in the world would I buy be able to buy a seemingly comfortable pair of used panties...if I was so inclined?".
One would think that with so many "retro" style boutiques and shops that sell collectible clothing items, that someone, somewhere... Read More |
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The Toque is a web-based satirical entertainment magazine, and is only intended for the humourous consumption of our audience.
All of the material on The Toque is humour and satire. It is intended to poke fun at current events, world culture, and the human condition.
Public figures used in The Toque are portrayed for satirical purposes only. All other characters are fictional. Any use of real names is coincidental and purely unintentional. Any similarities to actual persons is also pure coincidence, and not our intent. We cannot emphasize enough how coincidental our fictional entities are to any real life individual, entity, or character.
All other stories are presented in The Toque for their humorous value and are not true. If one of the stories happens to become fact, it should be considered a lucky guess, and not as a result of any inside information. It's really all just made up. If our story happens to parallel any other parodied or satired story, that too should be considered coincidence. There are seven billion of us on the planet. Just keep in mind that Canadians did not reshingle the Egyptian pyramids, and we do not have the secret to telekinesis.
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IN MY ARMCHAIR-- I've been following the Olympic games in Beijing (on television, not actually from Beijing), and I must admit that I'm mildly disappointed in the lack of podium finishes (that is to say, none) by Canada, my home and native land. I say mildly, because there are plenty of beach volleyball matches to distract me from my moderate pain.
Beer nuts are a marvelous food. High in protein, loaded with fat, and potent with alcohol, there's no surprise as to why these tasty nuts top the list for snacking Canadians, ahead of cheese doodles, bacon rinds, and beaver jerky.
