Beloved Father, Husband, Sharkhunter, Spaceman

I must confess that I'm saddened by the news of Roy Scheider's passing, but frankly I am shocked that he lived to the age of seventy-five. That Roy was able to lead such a long and fruitful life, despite his reckless nature and devil-may-care attitude, is a tribute to the man's strength and more likely, his luck. The way Roy Scheider lived on or near the edge, I am truly amazed that he didn't get himself killed years ago.

While you had to admire Roy's heroism and bravery, you have to agree that he had no business hunting for great white sharks in the Atlantic ocean, despite the risk to the good people of Amity. He was damned lucky that the first shark blew up, and what was he thinking using himself as sharkbait trying to get a second great white shark to chomp down on some electrified cables?!!! Roy, seriously, you should've been lunch on at least two occasions.

One of the world's great minds, chessmaster Bobby Fischer, has run out of moves and was forced to tip over his king, passing away today at age 64 (the same number of squares on a chessboard).

Fischer, considered to be one of the greatest chess players ever, died in a hospital in Reykjavik, Iceland, as the time on his metaphorical chess clock had expired.

Fischer, more than just a pawn in the game of Life (not the actual Milton Bradley game "The Game Of Life"), will be playing his game in the castle in the sky.

Although regrettable, the death of this reclusive American chess player came as no surprise to Russian chessmaster Garry Kasparov, who had calculated several years ago that he would die on this particular day.

"He should've seen this coming," said Kasparov.

Oh Lord...Of The Rings

HOLLYWOOD-- Depressed, suicidal, and anxiety-ridden nerds, geeks, and dweebs may have re-discovered their desire to live, at least for the moment, following the announcement that Peter Jackson will return to direct New Line Cinema's two new Lord Of The Rings movies. These prequels, based on the original book "The Hobbit", are expected to go into production in 2009.

LOS ANGELES-- Supermarket shoppers and grocery store clerks around the world are saddened at the news of the passing of Mr. Whipple. Whipple, 91 was the guardian grocer who for decades protected the integrity of the pillowy-soft Charmin toilet paper products.

Whipple, who plied his trade year after year in the aisles of American supermarkets watching for squeeze-happy housewives, was absolutely wiped by the end of his career. Near the end, his friends and family said that he looked "flushed" and "drained" at the same time.