TORONTO, ONTARIO-- Toronto Maple Leafs forward Mats Sundin, hinting at possible retirement, has had several offers for his hockey services made today in the free agency frenzy, however none of those offers, including the $10 million dollars per year offered by the Vancouver Canucks hockey club is even remotely close to the $14 million (per year) in Canadian Tire money the Swede is supposedly holding out for.

Sundin, who already has enough "real" money to fill several ice rinks, believes that his negotiation tactics for Canadian Tire currency could earn him an extra four millions dollars (per season) in spending money that could be used to purchase home hardware, gardening tools, as well as automotive equipment and servicing, virtually ensuring that he would never need to spend any actual money on household items ever again.

"People underestimate the value of Canadian Tire money," said one hockey analyst, who admitted to having several dollars worth of Canadian Tire money of his own tucked away in the sun visor of his SUV. "One Canadian Tire dollar is the equivalent of one real Canadian dollar. If you were to spend it at one of the many Canadian Tire locations across Canada, you would get the equivalent amount in goods and services. Sundin could be on to something big--bigger even than idiot-proof jumper cables."

Arthur C. Clarke Had One "Hal" Of A Lifetime

HAL 9000

Mr. Clarke's impact on popular culture will be permanently embedded in society, like a giant crater on the surface of the moon.

Beloved Father, Husband, Sharkhunter, Spaceman

I must confess that I'm saddened by the news of Roy Scheider's passing, but frankly I am shocked that he lived to the age of seventy-five. That Roy was able to lead such a long and fruitful life, despite his reckless nature and devil-may-care attitude, is a tribute to the man's strength and more likely, his luck. The way Roy Scheider lived on or near the edge, I am truly amazed that he didn't get himself killed years ago.

While you had to admire Roy's heroism and bravery, you have to agree that he had no business hunting for great white sharks in the Atlantic ocean, despite the risk to the good people of Amity. He was damned lucky that the first shark blew up, and what was he thinking using himself as sharkbait trying to get a second great white shark to chomp down on some electrified cables?!!! Roy, seriously, you should've been lunch on at least two occasions.

One of the world's great minds, chessmaster Bobby Fischer, has run out of moves and was forced to tip over his king, passing away today at age 64 (the same number of squares on a chessboard).

Fischer, considered to be one of the greatest chess players ever, died in a hospital in Reykjavik, Iceland, as the time on his metaphorical chess clock had expired.

Fischer, more than just a pawn in the game of Life (not the actual Milton Bradley game "The Game Of Life"), will be playing his game in the castle in the sky.

Although regrettable, the death of this reclusive American chess player came as no surprise to Russian chessmaster Garry Kasparov, who had calculated several years ago that he would die on this particular day.

"He should've seen this coming," said Kasparov.