For The Record David Hasselhoff Was Not Really Drunk On Film

David Hasselhoff is an acting genius. Who else but David Hasselhoff, could perform that well in a bathing suit?

You don't believe me? He played opposite a talking car for five years for chrissakes! If that doesn't prove your mettle in this business...I ask you to look no further than his cameo appearance in The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.

Still not satisfied? Did you already forget his powerful role as the German dodgeball coach, in Ben Stiller's brilliant sports satire?

Listen people, we don't need you to be dissing the Hoffer, when you have obviously confused his acting brilliance.

This so-called drunken escapade in the bathroom that has hit the news and the Internet is obviously a brilliant stunt to help promote the Hoff-man in some upcoming feature, or album, or some cunning European appearance tour. Can't you all see that this is just a clever ploy?

No? Obviously, Mr. Hasselhoff is a much better actor than you've ever given him credit for. Sure, he danced around in a speedo for awhile, but that was just to demonstrate that he can be subtle and demure in his acting talent, while still proving that the man can act with dignity and humility while only wearing his little red gonch.

Obviously this cellular telephone recording is just a ruse. Did you see how he handled that burger? It was like watching Richard Burton with a mutton chop. We are witnessing a master of his trade. You should be so lucky to be living in an era where the world has so much talent.

David Hasselhoff drunk? I think not. Acting genius? Certainly so.

And hey, even if he was drinking in the company of a sixteen-year-old, we've all been there before, right? (*wink*).

Oh...that was his daughter? say...did you know that Andy Dyck was only snorting flour?