Oh Lord...Of The Rings

HOLLYWOOD-- Depressed, suicidal, and anxiety-ridden nerds, geeks, and dweebs may have re-discovered their desire to live, at least for the moment, following the announcement that Peter Jackson will return to direct New Line Cinema's two new Lord Of The Rings movies. These prequels, based on the original book "The Hobbit", are expected to go into production in 2009.

Suffering from painful withdrawals following the end of the first Middle Earth trilogy, computer nerds, fantasy freaks, and other fanatics of dwarves, elves, and sorcerers have been given a new spark, a reason to hold on to their pathetic mortal existence for at least three or four more years.

Many of these Dungeons and Dragons dorks fell into deep despair after the hype of The Return Of The King died down, and extended viewings to the special edition DVDs failed to prolong their reason to exist. With the slight exception of "Heroes", no other science fiction or fantasy entertainment has been able to fill the empty void following the end of the original fellowship adventures of Frodo, Sam, and Aragorn.

Millions of One Ring worshippers will likely forego their attempts at suicide until at least 2010 or 2011, after the second of the two Hobbit movies is released.

Many nerds had previously suggested they would've jumped into an active volcano as a preferred method of death, had their been any available.