LOS ANGELES-- Supermarket shoppers and grocery store clerks around the world are saddened at the news of the passing of Mr. Whipple. Whipple, 91 was the guardian grocer who for decades protected the integrity of the pillowy-soft Charmin toilet paper products.

Whipple, who plied his trade year after year in the aisles of American supermarkets watching for squeeze-happy housewives, was absolutely wiped by the end of his career. Near the end, his friends and family said that he looked "flushed" and "drained" at the same time.

Mr. Whipple wasn't seen much on television in the last fifteen years, as Charmin had invented anti-squeeze technology which they used in their packaging. Mr. Whipple still made several appearances, was popular with the ladies, and had been known to squeeze a few behinds from time to time.

Mr. Whipple will soon be laid to rest, and he is expected to be buried in the most comfortable coffin ever created.

Mr. Whipple, you'll always be #1 in our hearts, and #2 for our bottoms.