News Bits
Charlton Heston Warns Against Starbucks New Soylent Green Frappucino Print E-mail

soylent green frappucino, starbucks coffee, Charlon Heston CALIFORNIA-- In preparation for summer, the Starbucks Coffee Company has launched a new blended coffee beverage, the Soylent Green Frappucino.

The Seattle-based company believes that this new high-energy, miracle cold coffee drink will become instantly popular with thirsty coffee drinkers, but wizened actor Charlton Heston warns that the drink holds a dark and dangerous secret.

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Donald Trump Stars In New Star Trek Series Print E-mail

admiral trump, donald trump, star trek apprenticeHOLLYWOOD-- Star Trek fans are getting all "fired" up with the announcement that business executive extraordinaire Donald Trump will be leading the cast in the new television series

Star Trek: Apprentice.

Set to begin production this summer, Trump will play the role of Admiral Trump, a cagy veteran who runs the Starfleet Academy Business Department in the early 24th century.

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Mordor To Host 2012 Olympics Print E-mail
mordor, olympics, olympic games, middle earth, lord of the ringsMIDDLE EARTH-- Who will be the next lords of the rings? The parallel bars? The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has announced that the 2012 Summer Olympic Games will be held in the Middle Earth region of Mordor.

The dark host has already begun preparations by enslaving hundreds of cave trolls to construct the Olympic venues and by breeding special Uruk-hai athletes to compete in the ancient games.
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Queen Elizabeth Turns Eighty Print E-mail

Royal Lady Reaches Majestic Mark

queen elizabeth, Queen of EnglandENGLAND-- Queen Elizabeth II, the Queen of England has just reached her 80th birthday. And her royal majesty has stated now that she has no plans of abdicating.

The news is not surprising, as most people who are eighty years of age have the same problems leaving the throne.

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Naomi Campbell Suspended From Legion Of Supermodels Print E-mail

British Supermodel Goes From Hall Of Fame To Hall Of Shame

The Future Looks BrightNEW YORK-- Naomi Campbell has been officially suspended from the

Legion of Supermodels. Campbell, the British supermodel who was arrested last week for an alleged assault on her former housekeeper, has had her supermodel status revoked, pending the outcome of her court case.

"The Legion Of Supermodels represents all things that are good...and sexy," said Leagues of Supermodels chairperson Christie Brinkley, from the Legion's headquarters in Fashion City. "Naomi's actions are contradictory to the tenets of the Legion, and she has been put on indefinite suspension until this issue is resolved."

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