Star Trek Geeks Could Be Up In Arms Over Proposed New Phaser Laws

In America, buying a phaser is easier than doing the Vulcan salute.

While there has been little change in public support for gun control, many feel that it's preposterous that a nerd can simply walk into a Star Trek collectibles shop and purchase a phaser, or perhaps a phaser rifle, with only a simple background check, usually just verifying if the buyer is a card-carrying member of the Star Trek Fan Club.

"You go to a [Star Trek] convention, and there's table after table of these science fiction weapons on display. And there's absolutely no registration requirement," said one dude who had half of his face painted white, and the other black.

"If they allow any geek, nerd, dweeb, or dork to purchase these futuristic weapons, nobody's gonna live long and prosper," said another guy wearing a Red Dwarf t-shirt. "All it takes is one pimply-faced teenager hopped-up on Romulan ale to spell disaster. You tell that kid that his favourite TV series has been cancelled, and he'll explode faster than a tribble in a microwave."

As it stands right now, a sleep-deprived Trekkie could buy a whole arsenal of directed-energy weapons without so much as having to recite the Prime Directive.

A large percentage of the public, most of whom don't subscribe to the Sci-Fi Channel, are insisting that regulators re-evaluate federal requirements for purchasing phasers, and other 23rd Century weapons.

"These weapons are obviously dangerous, and there should be a better screening process," said someone towing-the-line. "We can't allow unpopular people without lives or friends to have the ability to buy phasers, blasters, or other space lasers."

The majority of geeks and grown men living with their parents disagreed.

"I don't like the suggestion of enhanced federation, I mean 'federal' requirements," said one pathetic loser, who had just emerged from a Star Trek movie marathon at a local cinema. "Why don't they just sell phasers that stun, removing the 'kill' option altogether? And why is there even an overload setting on a phaser? That's basically putting a bomb in some dweeb's hands."

American Congress isn't keen on amending existing gun control legislation, and the idea of legislating space weapons of the future had never crossed their mind.

"I know every American has the right to bear arms and have the ability to disintegrate their enemies with laser-type pistols, but we must have a process in place which allows us to properly screen out the right groups of isolated pop-culture obsessed loners," said one Patrick Stewart impersonator. "If we don't, anyone with a vendetta could vaporize the occupants of a Spiderman 3 line-up."

How easy is to purchase Star Trek weapons? Right now, in Virginia, it's simpler to buy a phaser than it is to do the Vulcan hand salute. Hell, you can buy authentic directed beam weapons from Amazon for Khan's Sake.