Why countries like Yemen aren’t taken seriously
The Republic of Yemen: a scary country with a really silly name.
I’ve been hearing a lot of news recently about the Middle East country of Yemen: its political issues, its internal strife, and its participation on the world stage where there are suggestions that it is a possible terrorist threat to the rest of the free world. Yemen? But how can a country with such a cute and innocent sounding name instill terror to the world’s population?
Admit it. Yemen is such a cute, cuddly name, like lemon, or puppy, or marshmallow. Would you really cringe at the idea of world conflict with the spongy nation of Marshmallow? I doubt it.
How does one get stuck with a harmless, innocent name like “Yemen”?
If you told me that “yemen” was a kind of Middle-eastern pudding, I’d probably believe you. “Have you tried the yemen? It’s made with fresh goats milk, lemon, and cinnamon. Mmm, mmm.”
I’m teasing of course, but I honestly wonder if the other countries joke about Yemen when its not around. Or maybe they gang up on Yemen at international functions, perhaps at some important United Nations conference: “the chair formally recognizes the diplomatic representive from Semen. Err, Yemen! Did I actually say Semen? Please don’t start a war!” (snort)
Seriously, countries that want to make a strong, powerful name for themselves on the world stage need to sound terrifying if they’re going to make a real impact. Countries like Krygistan or Kazakstan are harsh, diabolical-sounding countries. You don’t hear anyone making fun of them, do you? Why? Because those are bold, brash, country names that create fear, just from the combination of raspy consanants. You take a country like that seriously, because I bet people have damaged their lung flesh just from attempting the proper pronounciation.
Yemen could learn from countries like that. Better to idolize a country like Krygistan than some wet-diaper country that has no confidence in the sound of its own name.
Look at Togo; it sounds like the brand-name for a kid’s toy. Forget that it’s a tiny little island with a flotilla of war canoes and coconut catapults. You are not going to take any threat from Togo seriously. Did they get the name from a take-out restaurant? “Sir, are you going to eat here to have that to-go?” Togo is a no-go.
And I suppose I could apply the same to Tonga. I could call it Boinga, and I wouldn’t be concerned with retaliation. I could fire back more insults making fun of Tonga than I could Krygistan. My imperial taunters would lose their voices, screaming out Krygistani insults more than three times.
Mind you, not all wishy-washy countries have it bad. Iran seems to do alright for itself, despite sounding like a frightened child “I-ran away” “I-ran as fast as I could”, “I couldn’t fight, so I-ran.” Iran, despite all your faults, at least you’re not diminished because of your goofy name. I might question your religious government practices, but I won’t resort to name-calling.
Iraq faired much better, and all it took was one letter.
“Iraq, Iraq, I-raq my brain trying to think of something cute about that harsh-sounding country name.” Iraq is a solid bad-ass name, and whether they ever get nuclear technology or not, just the name “Iraq” will intimidate more people than a country name like, I dunno, Djibouti. “Shake, shake your djibouti!” I’m sure they still blame their parents.
I know I shouldn’t really pick on Yemen, what with all their internal conflicts, but c’mon it’s so goofy!
I could poke fun at other countries instead I suppose. For example, Malaysia sounds like something you might contract. “I’m sorry dear, I forgot our anniversary because well, umm, I have malaysia. It’s pretty serious. I might have to move to Tonga to recuperate my health. The ocean air is apparently good for malaysia sufferers.”
History show that many countries have changed their names…like Mesopotamia or Babylon, for obvious reasons. They still make jokes about those guys! You might babble on about Babylon, but you won’t mess with Iraq (umm, you know what I mean).
I don’t know what the democratic world process involves when applying for a country name change–I’ll have to ask Rhodesia–but looking at my World Book atlas from 1977, it seems like half of the countries have already successfully qualified for name changes, but Yemen is still on the waiting list. Yemen, I feel sorry for you even as I mock you. Even the Arabic pronounciation, “Al Jumhuriyyah al Yamaniyyah”, sounds softer than a tent full of fluffy pillows.
Yes, I think that Yemen should seriously consider a name-change, even if just to maintain its image as a legitimate global threat. Maybe some suggestions could include “Doomistan”, “Deathland”, “The Imperial Republic Of Terroristica”, or “Donfukwithyemen”. People might just tune in to see what’s going on in Deathland. I would; I could watch the world events unfold as I sit there enjoying a delicious bowl of yemen.
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