Alien Parasite Offers Rosie O'Donnell New Insight

With her new brain slug, Rosie O'Donnell appears more dignified and wise.

O'Donnell, the very vocal and sometimes controversial co-host of "The View" appears to have radically changed some of the negative aspects of her personality--for the better, some say in no small part due to the brain slug that is now controlling her.

It's been apparent that her recent appearances on the ABC daytime talk show have have demonstrated brain slug Rosie to be less grating and annoying than before. And her monologues, interviews, and discussions have shown brain slug Rosie to be more somber, and sullen, but at the same time appearing wiser, less antagonistic, and generally more appealing to the public.

"I like brain slug Rosie," said one viewer. "Although she appears a little dull, she's still wittier than she ever was. I'm certain it has something to do with the brain slug...or prescription medicines."

"You know, brain slug Rosie has some valid points," added one of the producers of the show. "She's quietly dignified, and her sombre monotone voice is now conveying more wisdom and sage advice than she ever had before the alien parasite took over. And she makes some convincing arguments that everyone on Earth visit the Brain Slug Planet."

While some believe that this is a brilliant career move for the comedienne and sometimes actress, others worry that the brain slug may be seriously affecting Rosie O'Donnell's cognitive senses.

"No, no, no! This is good," stated Barbra Walters. "Since the brain slug has been in control, Rosie's popularity has shot up dramatically. In fact, many television viewers are starting to actually respect her opinions."

While most are agreeing that the new brain slug Rosie O'Donnell is an improvement over the old Rosie O'Donnell, some scientists are concerned for the health and safety...of the brain slug.

"You see, brain slugs feed off of the cognitive energies of humans," said professor Smirk, a respected xenologist. "Basically, they require Alpha and Delta brainwaves to survive. But the brain slug who selected Rosie O'Donnell is unfortunate. To put it simply, in a way that Elizabeth [Hasselbeck] could understand, it's basically trying to drink from a dry well."