Trekking Tribble Hunters Terribly Treated

The Hand of God reaches down to help an unemployed minister increase his job opportunities.

"I get a hundredweight's worth of requests every day," said God, "for a lot of strange things--people asking for famine relief, forgiveness, peace on Earth, and asking for a certain sports franchise to defeat a rival. Most of them go straight into the 'round file.' if you know what I mean. But how could I resist the earnestness and righteous zeal of this devoted young follower of My path? I decided to give him a hand. Of course, the rest is now up to him. He's got to make it happen for himself."

The minister had created a resume, but there was very little experience on it, and he felt he needed something more substantial to give to prospective employers.

"I prayed constantly for days," said Hubert E. Allsworth, who had been offered a job as a bus-boy at a local restaurant, but it wasn't the kind of working-with-the-cloth job he had in mind. "After graduating from bible college it was impossible to get a good church job, unless you 'knew' someone. After pounding the proverbial pavement, I finally decided to take it to The Lord himself and see what He could do for me. After all, I am devoting my life for His cause. Seems to me He should help out a little."

Allsworth hopes to minister what he calls "some kind of middle-of-the-road protestant" congregation, but is willing to move farther afield if the right employment opportunity shows itself.

"I'm willing to look at Catholicism, or even Greek Orthodox," he said, "but I don't know about the flaky, way-out 'the end is nigh' people. They tend to get killed or put in jail. I don't need that."

Allsworth was starting to lose faith, but one day the reference letter came--hand-delivered! Allsworth was more than a little surprised when It arrived.

"I was putting out the garbage and suddenly these trumpets started to blow. I looked up and there It was: the Hand of God, revealed in all His Majesty. I was taken aback at how many liver spots It had, though. I grabbed that letter pretty quick. I didn't want Him changing His mind."

So far, response to his letter of reference has been mixed.

"It's very interesting," said Pastor Guido de Molina of the Holy Sepulcher Church near Harlan, Iowa. "The letter looks authentic. Unfortunately I can't read Aramaic, or whatever It's written in, so I really don't know what It says. And there's no contact number.