Japanese Company Groomed To Suit Your Marriage Needs
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TOKYO, JAPAN–The owners of the Lucky Bride Mail-Order Groom Company would like you to know about their super duper keen product: mail-order grooms. The innovative Japanese company wishes to to tell you that their grooms are “100% top-gun for sure!”
Mail-order brides have been shipping for years, satisfying many American customers, but it was a bold business stroke for Japanese entrepreneurs to come up with the concept of shipping young Japanese men to the United States for the purpose of wedding single American women.
“Each groom is guaranteed 100%,” said Hiro Kamatsu, majority owner of Lucky Bride. “Every man tip-top no doubt!”
As for things like preparations for the wedding and the bachelor and the hen’s night, the brides to be are on their own. They can fly down to Las Vegas for a weekend of debauchery and if they can’t do that, they can stay home, play some online roulette and bingo while someone makes pina coladas.
The company, which began doing business in April, has a very small showroom, since most of their business is done online or through mail-order. And since inventory is changing all the time, it is hard to keep their catalogs up-to-date.
The grooms range in age from 18 to 45, offering American customers a comfortable selection. And each groom has been trained to be open, sensitive, and caring.
“We give you best man for dollar no doubts!” said Kazuhiro Matsushita, chief manager of sales. “But ‘best man’ for groom is extra! ha ha ha!”
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“Each groom is well domesticated, and ready to assume the role of man-of-the-house,” added Matsushita. “You want good-looking man? Each one first rate you bet!”
Sales to Americans have been quite brisk, as women are looking more to imports to satisfy critical marital needs. Many women have been disappointed with their domestic models, and have always been satisfied with “buying Japanese.”
“I’m quite happy with my purchase,” stated Sheila Osbourne, of Wichita, Kansas. “My groom wasn’t quite so fresh when I received him, and the instructions were in Japanese, but I had him functioning just in time for the wedding.”
Grooms are shipped in small, but comfortable shipping containers, and they are supplied with enough food to last ten days. Other conveniences of nature are built into the packaging to reduce spoilage.
This story aboutmail order grooms is brought to you by The Toque,
the world leader in mail order groom parody, mail order groom satire, and other mail order bride humor.
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