| A Burning Desire To Get Laser Eye Surgery |
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I'm Setting My Sights On Laser Eye Surgery
I never realized that medical science had advanced to the point that people could walk into an eye clinic, pay for a simple procedure, and come out with the ability to burn through walls. I knew that there had been a lot of breakthroughs with lasers and laser beams, so I suppose the next logical step would have either been laser vision...or maybe a working lightsaber. I just hadn't expected it in my lifetime. Can you imagine what you could do with this ability? Sure you could light campfires, re-heat leftovers, and heat up cocoa, but you could also use your laser powers for Good--like zapping houseflies. With laser eyes you could pinpoint a fly's location and fry him with a single burst of searing-hot laser eye energy. Bye bye buzz-boy! Try and do that with your lightsaber Luke Flyswatter! I'm sure though that there could be other practical reasons for having laser eye surgery. Like, what if you were a welder who lost his arms in a freak milkshake machine repairing accident? With laser eye surgery, you could become a super-powered welder, capable of soldering metal joints with your smoldering apprentice stares. Or maybe you were a glass blower who couldn't work with a hand-torch because of a psychological fear of pilot lights caused by a childhood incident involving your grandmother's frilly apron and a red-hot tray of raisin-oatmeal cookies? With laser eye surgery you could melt a handful of sand with a focused beam from your eyes, and turn it into a sweet-looking ashtray for my mother. Maybe you'd get laser eye surgery as a hobby. You could be that wood burning guy who makes hand-made wooden signs that say "The Johnsons Residence" or "Welcome To Bob's Place." or something with a picture of an outhouse on it. Those signs are just too wacky! "Never look into a laser with your remaining eye." --Homer
I know what you're thinking--in the wrong hands, laser eye surgery techniques could be used to create armies of laser-eyed soldiers capable of fiery destruction that only an equal army of laser warriors wearing reflective, flame-retardant armor could defeat. (I'll concede that lightsabers may have also helped achieve victory in this situation). It makes you wonder then how safe it would be to get laser eye surgery. Maybe you'd have to wear special sunglasses like that X-Men guy just to prevent yourself from frying everyone you looked at. I'm sure the laser eye surgery people have already thought of this. I must admit though that this laser eye vision is a great achievement in medical science. It's innovative and it's got a lot of practical housefly-ridding uses. It's just too bad they haven't figured out a way to use this optical technology to help the people who simply have poor eyesight.
Bonus Laser Eye Surgery Humour Brought To You By The Toque!!! Some Laser Eye Surgery Puns You can freely use these laser eye surgery puns at parties, seminars, and comic book conventions: "Laser eye surgery is worth looking into.""Laser eye surgery was invented by a true visionary." "Laser eye surgery will change your outlook on life." "Laser eye surgery is so amazing, you'll have to see it to believe it." |
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