Pocketwatch time machines are all the rage in the future.

Suggestions For Your Time Machine
40 Or So Tips That Could Change Your Life--Forever!

What would you do if you had a time machine? Forget about time paradoxes, killing your grandfather, or stepping on the prehistoric lizard that evolved into Man! If a perfectly functional time machine came into your possession what would you do? Some things are obvious, but perhaps you need a few hints.

Here's our annual list of Time Machine Tricks for the New Owner

Financial Gain
The most obvious reason for having a time machine, and the subject of all sorts of humorous science fiction escapades. Reap the rewards of what you have and know--now!

• Obtain valuable technology from the future and sell it today (for a profit!)
• Study (and memorize) stocks, sports winners, and lottery numbers--from the future of course!
• Collect valuable objects from the past, or seemingly worthless items like the first Superman comic or a solid gold Rubik's Cube.
• Go back to the past and give yourself a copy, no, two copies, of the Wall Street Journal (be sure to circle the good stuff!)

Personal Advantage
Go on, make yourself look good! There's a lot of good stuff you've learned in your lifetime, and now's the time to go back and use it!

• Go back to a time when your pick-up lines were still original. Even angels need lovin'.
• Promote yourself as a psychic, soothsayer, or Numerologist.
• Have a list of eclipses and go way back in time. Those primitives will be throwing virgins at you!
• Give Nostradamus some much-needed help with his dates.
• Prepare those snappy comebacks after the fact, then go back and knock 'em dead. No more "Oh yah, I know you are but what am I's"
• Make accurate predictions for how poorly that project at work will do. Won't the boss be impressed!

Knowledge and Understanding
Of course you're not greedy and only concerned with yourself. Once you've taken care of the essentials (see above), it's time to look at the big picture. What are the answers to those nagging questions that have been bothering you since high school?

• Learn how the universe started, how it will end, and skip the boring parts in the middle (don't forget your spacesuit)
• Visit all those important dates, like the day all the dinosaurs got hit by that meteorite, the birth of Christ-- see what that 'myrhh' stuff really is, or other important periods in history such as the original airing of Star Trek.
• Have a chat with Napoleon, Genghis Khan, or the pyramid builders. Never got to meet Marilyn Monroe? Now's your big chance, stud!
• Walk around downtown with a cardboard sign that says: "The world will end on June 19, 2147. No really!" (grow a long beard for better effect)

Organizing Your Time
Take advantage of what the machine can do for you.

• Forgot a birthday or anniversary? No problem!
• Give yourself more time to sleep in.
• No more Christmas Shopping hassles!
• More time for studying, cleaning the house before someone special comes over, or just soaking in the tub. Ahhh! And the water never cools!

For The Good Of Humanity
Yes, you know you should, and now you can!

• Go back and kill Hitler, Hussein, Damn the consequences!
• Save Lincoln, Kennedy, and the fifth Beetle.
• Help Jules Verne with his writer's block
• Prevent the conception of Osama bin Laden.
• Save the electric car. You go Ed Begley Jr.!
• How about preventing Pauly Shore's parents from ever meeting?

Thrills
Witness the great moments of history. Bring along a camera to remember these once-in-a-lifetime moments.

• Watch Wayne Gretzky, Babe Ruth, or Muhammed Ali in their prime.
• Participate in the D-Day landing--but be careful!
• How good a gladiator was Spartacus?
• Be first in line for the premier of Star Wars. Better yet, go back far enough to witness the real thing!

Impatience
Who can wait? Now there's no need to!

• Go to the future and get yourself a decent computer...if they still have them.
• Skip to the end of a particularly bad movie.
• Sorry to fast-forward on you Father, but this sermon is just too long!
• Don't wait for the summer blockbusters to come out.
• Get that copy of Halo XII--and a platform to play it on.

Undo Mistakes
We all make them, and now you fix them without having to say "sorry".

• Stop yourself from buying that Studebaker, betamax, or Wang. Even in the future, that's still funny!
• Prevent yourself from going on that "date from hell".
• You don't want that second drink!
• Remember the birth control this time, loverboy.
• Just keep your mouth shut, hotshot!

Remember though, that owning a time machine is a huge responsible. But don't worry, if you don't learn from your mistakes, you can always go back in time and fix them!