World Rests Easier Now That Osama Has Been Caught

Osama has been caught! He had been missing for more than two years, and was presumed dead. But at long last Osama, the cat, was found and captured.

It's taken forever it seems to locate this animal, this beast, and the cost in time and effort has been high. But at last we can put the issue to rest, because Osama, the frisky, feline fugitive has been found.

Of course we are all relieved at the news that Osama, that motherless bastard of a cat, has been found. For the longest time, we speculated as to what had happened to this world-class trouble-maker; we wondered where he was hiding, what he was planning, and how he had evaded capture for so long. We thought we had all the intelligence, we had received numerous tips, and there had been several reported (but unconfirmed) sightings. We had a pretty good idea as to where he was holed up, but until now Osama was free to roam and stir up dissent wherever he went.

The details as to how Osama was found are still unclear, but we all are relieved to learn that Osama has been located and brought in by the proper authorities (the S.P.C.A.). All we know for sure is, first he was boxed in, and then he was cornered. The (dogcatchers') net was cast, and ultimately, Osama was caught alive.

We knew Osama had been getting careless. He left too many tracks (paw prints) and clues to his whereabouts (overturned garbage cans). His natural instincts were beginning to foul him up like a bowl of sour milk. Although Osama had successfully eluded authorities forever it seems, it was inevitable that Osama would be caught, sooner or later.

Osama had been terrorizing the neighbourhood for the longest time, stirring up dissension (amongst the other cats), and creativing mayhem and havoc. Many who crossed his path (birds, mice, and voles) mysteriously disappeared, and no potted plant was safe.

"Osama is cunning, resourceful, and sly," said owner Al K. Eda. "But we knew that eventually Osama would be found and brought back to us. I'm just glad the whole ordeal is over."

When Osama was finally found, his appearance was disheveled--his hair was matted, and it looked like most of his fight was gone. It couldn't have been easy living the way he had, out in the open and exposed as he was.

"We invested a lot of resources into finding Osama," said Jorge Busch, executive chief of the local S.P.C.A. "But through this entire period, we have been committed to finding Osama, no matter what the cost. Unfortunately the S.P.C.A. is a non-profit organization so our resources were limited. But I am happy to say, that this animal has finally been caged."

The S.P.C.A. will now be able to turn their resources to locating Fluffy, a missing Afghan (hound), belonging to worried owner Al J. Zira.

Osama is currently being held in a cell (at the animal pound) while he waits to be debriefed (and de-fleaed). Then Osama will be given a medical exam before he is shot (vaccinated). Once Osama has been given a clean bill of health, he will be returned (to his owner) to face an enquiry.

This story about Osama found and finding Osama is brought to you by The Toque,
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