George Bush Pushes Peeping Tom Policy

WASHINGTON-- President George Bush, amid a storm of controversy, is defending the new domestic spy program, saying that the warrantless surveillance of innocent people is perfectly legal. Bush, who is intent on protecting the rights and freedoms of American citizens, says the new policy that allows the NSA, CIA, and other federal agencies to covertly observe emails, phone calls, and public people in private situations, perhaps even including the practice of "peeping through the bedroom windows of attractive women", is "necessary" to continue the fight on terrorism.

While the pervasive new peeping policy is vague and ambiguous, it implies, for example, that even a sexy college freshman surfing the Internet in her bra and panties could be considered a threat to homeland security.

"Well, it's possible that hot, young eighteen-year-old girls are simply sending emails to cute male university students and maybe they're not," said Bush. "Those horny males could very well be terrorists pretending to be undersexed freshmen. For all we know, Suzie Sexmaiden is actually Suneed Sakh-Alallah, a radical Islamic jihadist trying to undermine the fundamentals of the American way of life!"

Bush insists that the program is not a police-state policy, but rather an important component of national defense in an age of terror, an age where even sexy undergrads could be potentially linked to al-Qaida.

"We must do what we can to protect true Americans from terrorists," said Bush about these covert new operations intended to protect Americans, not compromise them. "And if that means we have to install cameras in every girls change-room, womens' shower, and ladies-only high-impact aerobics class at the YWCA, we're prepared to make that decision in the name of freedom."

While the President is trying to convince the public that lurking, leering, gawking, glaring, and staring were not part of the mandate for the controversial spy program (that doesn't require judicial approval or statutory authorization), he intimated that it may be necessary to peer into the private bathtubs of soapy, sulty, single citizens who could be linked to naughty, nasty, and possibly dirty terrorist activities.

To assuage the concerns of so-called "innocent" residents of the United States, Bush asserted that he will do everything in his power defend American civil liberties. Bush said he is prepared to defend the "extreme delicacy" of the new antiterrorism initiative, and if necessary, personally oversee any lawfully-obtained video footage of sorority house bathrooms, lingerie store fitting rooms, or tanning booths where suspected terrorist activities might occur.

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