The International Congress of Environmentalists is holding their annual conference at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre this week. Nearly 12,000 attendees from around the world have come to meet and discuss important issues.

Keynote speaker Jasper Emerald, PhD. discussed the impact that mankind has on the global ecosystem. “There is no doubt that, of all the injurious elements that negatively impact the environment, mankind has done the greatest damage”, opined Emerald.

Every minute of every day, over 6 billion humans breathe in air and then exhale carbon dioxide, a known greenhouse gas. Trillions of litres of carbon dioxide, every day of the year “, he continued. “How can the planet be expected to survive this onslaught of toxic emissions/”? Dr. Emerald then asked the delegates to support his proposed 50% emission reduction.

“If we can get every person to glue at least one nostril shut, that will cut the exhaust of poisonous gases by half and give Earth a little breathing room/”

When asked what the optimum population for the Earth would be, Emerald replied, “I would estimate that this world could support 12,000 humans, tops.”

The Honourable Stéphane Dion, attending the conference as a representative of the Martin government says he will consider the 50% reduction request, adding that Emerald, “shouldn't hold his breath” on the idea.